Funny Valentine's Day Article

Funny article I found:

Students at nearby high school 'Fixing' Valentine's Day
Bridgeport, CT

Students at Bridgeport's Central High School have chosen a radical way of celebrating Valentine's Day.  Instead of the traditional giving of chocolates or flowers to significant others, the students have collectively decided to re-name the holiday and change the customs.  Rachel Weston, student body president, issued this statement:
"We know that most of us hate this holiday anyway so we decided to change things up a little.  We are calling it 'Single's Day.'  This is a day where everyone who is in a relationship, no matter how casual or serious it is, has to give a gift to every single person in the school."

This was decided only a few days ago after senior quarterback Josh Holloway and senior cheerleading captain Valeria Vargas changed their facebook relationship status to "In a relationship."
The statement continued to say:
"I believe that it is in the student body's best interest that (for the sake of all the single students and faculty) all couples, whether in the honeymoon stage or steady, should give gifts to all single students and faculty.  Also these gifts should be personalized and a minimum of 15 minutes of thought needs to be put into each present."

Student body vice-president, Mark McCray, added his own comments in a personal interview with the school's newspaper, the Central Intelligencer: "Yeah, I wasn't for this idea at first because I was getting ready to profess my love for Valeria.  But after she was 'FBO' (facebook official) I went with Rachel's plan for 'Single's Day.'  I mean, now Valeria has to shop for a present for me.  And it has to be thoughtful too!"

Rachel was overheard talking to one of her friends about what a terrible person Valeria is and how Josh would "really only be happy with her."

"I really like the idea behind this new holiday," said student government faculty adviser Ms. Cooley, "it is so great especially since my idiotic ex-boyfriend just became 'FBO' with this disgusting dancer from that gross club downtown that I never go to to pick up men."

-David Fitzpatrick